There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
