How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
