Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
