I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
