I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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