I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize