you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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