The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
