Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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