I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
