I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
