A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
