I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
