i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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