i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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