like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
