I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
