he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
