Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
