dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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