My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need to align my fucking chakras
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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