I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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