Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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