So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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