ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
