Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
