You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
