3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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