i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
