I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
