I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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