They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
