You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
