Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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