fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
