A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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