...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
