Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
