When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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