ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
