I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize