true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
