Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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