things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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