how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
