If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can't motorboat a personality
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
