We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
