i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
