Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
