Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
