So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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