Only a mothe r could love this liver
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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