I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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