I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
