'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
