you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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