is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
