took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
