Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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