Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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