i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
