Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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