I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
