i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The best revenge is premature balding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
