i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
