I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
