my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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