I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
