This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
