dude i'm inner monologue high
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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